H2H, never before

Assalamualaikum :)
Long time didn't heard about me, right?

Fyi, I just finished my final exam for the semester, a week ago. Approximately, on 12/12/18 was my last paper. But then, just got back to Subang three days ago because there are some things need to be settled down first.

Well, a lot of things happened through out this semester. Seriously, I wanna pour out all these things in my mind in this entry. Can I? I really didn't care if nobody read this... Cuz, I just need someone to talk to. I'm not saying I'm a loner, it's just that I'm not that expert in putting words and talking to my friends. Literally speaking, I bottled up all my feelings to myself only.

So, if some of my friends are reading this entry, I hope you guys understand and respect my actions.

Here we go.
Back few months ago. I was offered some positions in some events. Frankly speaking, last semester, there were 3 to 4 events that I'm a part of.

These are the list:

1. WOW Camp as Activities and Games Facilitator - First week of the semester
2. AGM 2018 as Assistant Head of Department of Ceremony and Protocol - Study Week
3. An-Nur Appreciation Night 2018 as Secretary - Study Week
4. ***** '19 as Secretary of Public Relation - Expected on the second week of first year second

And not to mentioned, I was also the treasurer for my batch and my sub-department in my club. And also 2nd assistant for my department. It's not that hard being a treasurer for a club *maybe . I had no idea what comes to my mind when I accept these positions. It's just that, I don't know why I easily accepted them. Well, we just have 12 weeks per semester. The first position that was offered to me was for *****'19, Then, came the wow camp and whatnot. AGM and An-Nur Appreciation Night were conducted on the same day, where AGM ended in the evening and APN started at night, but on the same day. How did I handle them? DM me if you really wanna know about this. Ok, continue and focus on the AGM.

During the AGM, there were some incidents occur and it really triggered me a lot as I was the AHOD CnP for this event. One of the incidents was a problem with the VIP during the closing ceremony. I was preparing for the flow of events for the closing ceremony with my HOD and Assistant Project Manager and suddenly she was called by the Project Manager and some of the higher up of the club. Then, I saw her crying silently with those akak from the higher up. I did get a glimpse that something might happen, something that is so not worth it to be heard, but we did. Our supervisor called us to gather and tell us about the problem. And once he told us, I don't know why but my tears just broke, and it turned out that I really did cry for real, really hard.

I did my best to cover it but it just that, I could not hide my emotions. Then, my SV ask me if I'm that strong enough to edit the slides. Well, of course I am not but I'll not let my emotion to control my actions. I tried my best to stop crying and be strong even though for a moment. So, me and my HOD rearranged the FoE and prepared for some back up plans. I'm so grateful to have my HOD beside me. He's the one that act as my tranquilizer and my strength when I'm editing the slides and facing the audiences. After finished editing what I need to do, I hurriedly walked out the hall and my tears just burst once again. And I'm so glad that nobody saw me like that.

I think the reasons why I cried that hard are:

1. We only have like 7 weeks of preparation to make the event successful (we really have so little time of preparation.
2. I was trusted with that position, to make the event go smoothly and still, it did happen.
3. There are some works that are not our job but were trusted to us *This one particular thing, I really can't brain. Because it literally is not our job at all, I know whose job it is because I was also appointed for that position but for different event
4. Depends on our own initiative *like not having any sv at all
5. Sleepless night, most of the weeks, to prepare for this (The AHOD and HOD always have conversation at late night, even at 3.30 am, one of us still not asleep yet) *I really did have sleepless night, you could ask my roommate. She knew about it, cuz some of the time, she barely just woke up and I was just about to sleep)
6. Due to a this kind of reason too (cannot mention this particular reason)

It's not that Afiqah 'koyak lama' , it's just that, this incident have made me disappointed of myself. Why can't I let bygones be bygones. 

Allah does not charge a soul except (with that within) it's capacity
[QS Al-Baqarah 2:286] 

I was reminded with this, by my really caring friends. Thank you for always be there for me. Thank you for reminding me this.

For indeed, with hardship (will be) ease.
Indeed, with hardship (will be) ease.
[QS Al-Syarh 94:5-6]

InsyaAllah I will always remember that everything happened will have it's own reasons. Do not hesitate in trusting Allah's plan. Indeed, we do plan but Allah is the Best Planner. Everything happens with Allah's concern. Not every good things are meant for us. Maybe what we thought good is actually bad for us, but what we thought bad is actually good for us. The good in it will come for sure, it's only the matter of time. Allah may not grant your wish yet, He may hold it for the best time to grant them. 

Trust Allah's plan and don't grieve for what is not meant for you.
-Pqzmr-

Thank you for the unforgettable memories and thank you for letting into your life

Chin up, princess or else the crown will fall down :) Be strong, always read His love letter and pretty please, take care of your prayer.

Assalamualaikum and good night.